Watching your spouse struggle with drinking can feel heartbreaking, confusing, and isolating. You want to help, but you may not know where to start or how to approach the situation without causing conflict. Alcohol use can affect every part of a marriage—communication, trust, emotional connection, daily routines—and when someone you love is hurting, it’s natural to want to step in. The good news is that there are ways to support them while also protecting your own well-being.
At Kasa Recovery in Los Angeles, we work with individuals and families who are navigating this exact challenge. Here’s a clear, compassionate guide on how to get your spouse help for their drinking, along with steps you can take to encourage treatment in a healthy, supportive way.
Start by Understanding the Problem
Before you talk to your spouse about their drinking, it helps to understand what’s going on beneath the surface. Alcohol misuse isn’t simply a “choice,” and it’s not a sign of weakness. People often drink to manage stress, escape emotional pain, cope with trauma, or numb anxiety or depression. What starts as a way to unwind can turn into something they can’t control.
Understanding this doesn’t excuse harmful behavior, but it does help you approach the situation with empathy instead of blame. When you understand that alcohol use can stem from emotional struggles, it becomes easier to communicate without escalating tension.
Talk to Them at the Right Time
Conversations about drinking are delicate, and timing matters. Avoid trying to talk when your spouse is drinking, intoxicated, or hungover. These moments usually lead to defensiveness, denial, or emotional volatility.
Instead, choose a calm, private time when you’re both sober and relatively relaxed. Approach the conversation with care, not confrontation. Use “I” statements such as:
- “I’m worried about how much you’ve been drinking.”
- “I feel scared when I see you struggle like this.”
- “I want us to face this together.”
These statements focus on your feelings rather than attacking their behavior. This helps create a safer space for honest dialogue.
Focus on Support, Not Ultimatums
Ultimatums often push a person deeper into denial or shame. Instead of threatening consequences or lecturing, focus on encouraging them to open up. Ask how they feel about their drinking. Ask if they’ve noticed changes in their mood, health, or relationships. Ask if they want support or feel overwhelmed.
Addiction thrives in silence. When your spouse feels safe talking to you instead of being judged, they’re more likely to acknowledge they need help.
You can also offer support by saying:
- “You don’t have to go through this alone.”
- “I’ll help you find treatment if you want it.”
- “We can take this one step at a time.”
Letting them know you’re on their team can make a huge difference.
Research Treatment Options Before the Conversation
It helps to walk into the discussion with information. If your spouse is open to help, you don’t want to scramble trying to figure out what to do next. Spend some time researching treatment programs, detox options, therapy, and support resources ahead of time.
Look for a program that offers:
- Medical detox
- Therapy for underlying mental health issues
- Family support
- Aftercare planning
Kasa Recovery offers all of these services, which can help your spouse not only stop drinking but also understand the root causes behind their alcohol use.
When you already have resources ready, it becomes easier for your spouse to say “yes” because the path is clearly laid out.
Encourage a Professional Assessment
If your spouse is unsure whether their drinking is a “real problem,” a professional assessment can help provide clarity. This is a low-pressure way for them to talk to someone who understands addiction, symptoms, and warning signs.
Assessments aren’t confrontational. They’re simply conversations that help determine the appropriate level of care. Many people feel more comfortable hearing guidance from an expert rather than from a spouse.
You can gently suggest it by saying:
- “Why don’t we talk to someone who can help us understand what’s going on?”
- “A professional can help you figure out the next steps without pressure.”
This creates a bridge between the conversation and actual treatment.
Set Healthy Boundaries for Yourself
Supporting your spouse doesn’t mean sacrificing your own mental or emotional well-being. Addiction affects both partners, and it’s easy to get pulled into unhealthy patterns—covering for them, taking on extra responsibilities, or walking on eggshells to prevent conflict.
Setting boundaries is essential, not just for your peace but also because boundaries show your spouse that their drinking has real impacts. Boundaries might include:
- Refusing to lie or make excuses for their drinking
- Not participating in situations where alcohol is the focus
- Protecting your personal time and emotional space
- Encouraging safe and sober behavior
Loving someone doesn’t mean tolerating behavior that harms you or the relationship.
Be Patient, but Stay Firm
Change doesn’t usually happen overnight. Your spouse may need time to process the conversation, confront their own fears, or accept that treatment is necessary. That’s normal. What matters is staying consistent—firm in your boundaries, clear about your concerns, and steady in your support.
Recovery is a journey. Sometimes a person needs multiple conversations before they’re ready to say yes.
Get Support for Yourself, Too
You don’t have to navigate this alone. Support groups, therapy, and recovery communities can help you cope with the stress of loving someone who’s struggling with alcohol. When you feel grounded and supported, you’ll be better equipped to help your spouse—and protect your own well-being in the process.
Kasa Recovery Is Here to Help Your Spouse Get the Care They Need
Knowing how to get your spouse help for their drinking is a powerful first step. At Kasa Recovery in Los Angeles, we offer compassionate, evidence-based treatment designed to help individuals break free from alcohol addiction and heal the underlying emotional struggles that drive it.
If your spouse is ready—or if you just want guidance on how to navigate this situation—we’re here for both of you. Reach out today, and let’s take the next step toward healing together.
